It Is Well With My Soul

It sure has been a rough few weeks. First my mother-in-law suffered a heart attack then passed away. Tim failed his treadmill stress test and had to get an angiogram (the test where they shoot dye through you to see if you have a blockage in your heart) three days after his mom’s funeral. He indeed had a 90% blockage so he was immediately taken in for surgery – an angioplasty – where they put a balloon in his artery so they could put in a large stent.

Needless to say all of this kinda stressed me out. The good news is that Tim is doing great. So great in fact that when he had he last EKG before being released from the hospital, the tech said this was the first time she had never seen damage after an angioplasty. Tim is as good as new! Thanks be to God!

Now many people have asked me how I was doing through all of this and I always said, “Stressed, but fine.” I now realize I was in shock. It has taken a couple of weeks to sort out how I feel. I really felt alone. I am a devout Catholic, and try my best to trust in God, but I also know that previously in my life when things would start to go great for me, then crap would hit the fan. I thought it would just be my luck to be happily married for eight years, then for God to take Tim away. I freaked out every moment I was awake.

You see, Tim means so much to me. He came along when I was at my lowest and lifted me up. I was poor, unhealthy, depressed, and overwhelmed. He changed my entire life. His love made me bloom into the financially stable, healthier, happy, adventurous, business woman, wife, and mom that I am today. He literally saved my life in 2008 when his knowledge helped me when doctors sent me home to die. He believed in me so much, I ended up believing in myself. And to think I could lose all of that in an instant was too much to bear.

My only recourse was to lean on the Lord and to trust Him. This was extremely hard as I thought He might want to take Tim away from me. The thought of not having more kids and having to raise James by myself was so scary! But I prayed lots, put on tons of dōTERRA Balance, tried to get sleep, talked to friends and soon everyone was praying for him. He actually became somewhat of a star on my Instagram Stories. And when things worked out, everyone was so happy for him. And for us. 

But what did I learn from all of this? People wanted to be there for me, I just needed to let them in. And I shouldn’t catastrophize things. I went from Tim’s getting surgery to me raising James by myself in just a few moments. That way of thinking certainly did not help my mood. And as grim as this sounds, both Tim and I need to get things together so if one of us does die someday, the one left won’t have to do much planning for a funeral etc. And most importantly that God is good. He listened to my prayers and was there for me. And eventually I knew that even if Tim did die, God would still be there for me. I kept remembering this line, “Whatever my lot You have taught me to say, it is well, it is well with my soul.” (from the hymn It Is Well With My Soul). This gave me so much peace to know that things might not turn out the way I want but with God things would be okay.

So as I go now to make some supper, I just want to thank everyone for the prayers, well wishes, good vibes, and most of all for the love during these past weeks. Our family truly appreciated it! xoxoxo