Zeke here. I am never letting Cooper write my column ever again (check out her horrible entry here to see what I mean). She can never criticise anyone's style. Lucky for all of you I can and I'm going to right now. Ladies, I saw an unacceptable make up faux paws the other day. I call it "The Reverse Raccoon . This poor woman put way too light concealer underneath her eyes. The good news - I could no longer see her dark under eye circles. The bad news, she looked like she was wearing a whitish mask underneath her eyes. When you go to choose a concealer you want to wear under the eyes, make sure that it matches your skin tone. It can be a bit lighter, but also make sure you look in the mirror before leaving the house. If underneath your eyes it looks lighter than the rest of your skin, then grab your foundation and blend it until it matches the rest of your face. Otherwise I will think that in your spare time you like to rummage through garbage.
This faux paw falls in the realm of "You've got to be crazy if you thought that this was a good idea!". I blame the runways for this but retailers should have been intelligent enough to see that this was a look that should have stayed on the runways and not made it into stores. I speak of the dreaded sneaker wedges. These are shoes that are not even worthy of chewing. They are clunky, ugly, and way too warm for summer. I wonder who had the brilliant idea of taking a sneaker and a wedge and putting them together. This is clearly a case of two rights making a wrong. I guess if you're crying to be different and noticed, by the time fall rolls around all of these beauties will be marked down and you will have a great selection of them.
Today's faux paw I write on behalf of Joelle who had to sit through an entire Mass gasping for air. Why do you ask? Well it wasn't the incense (although she was incensed), it was the person in front of her that decided it was a good idea to have a bath - in perfume! I am a dog, so I can smell things way better than a human but yet I am not allowed to attend Mass so I am relying on Joelle's story of this event. What truly matters here is that no one should wear too much perfume/cologne. How much is too much? Here are some rules for wearing perfume for women and cologne for men:
1. Do not wear an evening scent during the day. An evening scent is stronger and more powerful than a daytime scent which is lighter and more office appropriate. If your favourite evening scent has a light eau de toilette/cologne version, it might be appropriate for daytime.
2. Women: apply perfume before you get dressed. Hold the bottle six inches away from yourself and spray one spray on each wrist and on the neck. Alternatively you can spray one spray into the air and walk through it. Do not spray perfume onto your clothes because it will be scent overload and could possibly ruin your clothes. Men: spray cologne on your hands and apply to neck, ears, and chest. Or spray one spray directly on neck, ears, and chest. Use a maximum of three sprays.
3. Be intimate with fragrance. Fragrance is not supposed to overwhelm, it's supposed to be subtle. Marian Bendeth fragrance expert and owner of Sixth Sense has said, “People further than an inch away from you shouldn’t be able to smell your perfume. If you’re applying more than a spritz because you can’t smell it yourself anymore, it’s time to introduce your nose to something else."
If you don't comply to the above, I give you this rating:
It's been a rough two weeks. Joelle has been having humans arrive and they eat the yummiest food. I have gotten a few scraps but I know that the food wasn't meant especially for me. On top of things Joelle and her friend took me in what they call a "car" and we picked up another dog. She is very tiny and gets more food than me it seems. I'm really not sure why they felt they had to bring another dog here. I still hope I get the same amount of food I've been getting or I'll really be upset.
Today's faux paw is quite simple. Here in the prairies we mostly have a season called "winter". It becomes cold outside. Joelle even bought me a sweater. The other day when I was riding in the car I saw the topic of my latest faux paw - a young human male wearing pants and a muscle shirt. His friends were wearing coats that day because it was quite a bit below zero outside. To top things off he had his hands jammed in his pockets and his arms wedged up against his body. And before everyone gets mad at me - he wasn't unable to afford a coat because he was wearing nice clothes. My message here is clear, dress according to the season. Otherwise you think you're cool, but you just end up being a fool who's literally cool.
First off I want to wish my Mom and co-blogger, Joelle a very happy birthday today. For some reason humans get hung up on their age, but I still think she looks great. I had hoped she would have gotten bacon as a gift and shared it with me, but she told me that bacon is not a popular gift for a human on their birthday. I really cannot understand why bacon is not the ultimate birthday gift ever, so I will continue with this blog entry.
It is good for a women to look and feel beautiful and/or sexy, but many go about it the wrong way. As I watch Joelle get ready to go out for drinks tonight, I see her wearing a very short lace dress with bare arms. Then she covered up her legs in black tights, and her bare arms with a sparkly sequined jacket. The result was a totally sexy, yet age appropriate look.
Others however have not realized that you can look sexy without looking like men will have to pay you for your company. The basic rule of thumb for those over thirty-five is if you show your legs, cover up your top and vice-versa. No super short skirts with knee-high high heeled boots, unless you wear some black opaque tights. And no see through tops showing off your bra. You can still wear a see through top, but wear a camisole underneath. My verdict for not dressing age appropriate:
I’m back! Now that everyone is not wearing their pyjamas in public anymore, I will let you know about another faux paw. Working out is a great way to combat aging, have more energy, and stay thin – so great that humans have special outfits to do it in. I workout everyday too by running around the yard, going for walks, and playing a mean game of tug o’ war or frisbee. Then a company came along that rhymes with “foofoo zemin” and decided it’s okay to wear workout gear shopping, doing errands, to work, family functions, and *gasp* to church. THIS IS NOT OKAY! Workout gear belongs on humans when they are working out! And from what I’ve seen, many of the humans who are wearing workout gear haven’t been working out and shouldn’t be wearing anything form fitting. Those who follow a brand because everyone else does are sheeple – people who are sheep. At least throw on a pair of jeans. People will respect you more.
