Disappointment

As I write this I have a heavy heart. I love acting, singing, and dancing and that’s why this Saskatoon girl ended up moving to Edmonton. The problem is once I completed my Theatre Arts Degree at Grant MacEwan, I never ended up doing anything in theatre again. I had my tonsils removed, got married, started a family, and forgot how much I loved being involved in live theatre.

After I made a vision board, I realized I gotta get back to the stage! So my goal for this year was to go on three auditions. While that may not seem like a lot, after not auditioning for 10 years it was enough for me. I saw on Facebook a post to audition for Chess at the Walterdale Playhouse and danced around the house for a half hour. I have always wanted to see the musical Chess, but I could possibly be in it?!? Ohhhhhh yes.

At the audition I sang my guts out. I got called back!! At callbacks I danced my very best.

 

Then the next day I got the email.

I didn’t get a part.

Then sadness.

Then the worst part of all. I call this the Brown Coloured Glasses Syndrome. I don’t get what I want and it dredges up EVERY time in my life when I didn’t get what I wanted. Believe me there are lots of times this has happened. Actually more often than not. I am not one of those people who seems to succeed at everything she touches. If you are one of those people, you might want to grab a snack now because the rest of this post probably won’t resonate with you and I don’t want to take up the time you could be spending getting more great stuff into your life. (I’m not bitter or anything.)

So what do we do when we don’t get what we want? Well after the sadness, disappointment, and grieving we have a choice. We can wallow in our crapulence, be bitter, and never try anything new again. Or we can get up, dust ourselves off, and try again, and again, and again. I believe there’s a reason why I didn’t get the part – God didn’t want me to. And He isn’t telling me why. And that’s okay because I trust Him enough to know that His reasons trump mine. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways my ways, says the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:8-9 

Yes my faith is very dear to me. It has gotten me through a lot of hell in my life, and it continues to do so each day. I used to think when I didn’t get a part I wasn’t good enough. Or I’m only as good as my next blog post, or how much I get accomplished in a day, or how pretty I look. But I know in my heart that even if I don’t do anything else in my life, I am loved, I am perfect, and I am a Child of God. And so are you! Yay!!